When building a rapport with other people there are various mistakes that can be detrimental to the developing relationship.  Three of the most common mistakes made when building rapport are trying too hard, being too nice and wanting something too much.  All of these are easily remedied as are the three worst mistakes you can make when building a rapport with people.  The key is being able to recognize the mistake and know the solution.

When refining the skill of building rapport the first of three detrimental mistakes you can make is to show a lack of genuine interest.  This is shown through signals given off by body language.

When you are focused and genuinely interested in what another person is saying your body responds in ways others pick up on a subconscious level.  These signals range from a change in body language and pupil dilation to your actual focusing signals.

If you are bored or showing disinterest people will often respond by turning off.  They may show you that they are annoyed with you or simply lose interest as well.  Two people having a conversation where neither is interested will damage rapport to say the least.

There are two solutions to this first problem.  One is the idea of ‘tracking back’.  Track back is similar to active listening.  In track back you repeat the same words back to the speaker, in the same language they used.  This shows you are interested, keeps your mind on track and clarifies what is being discussed.

You can also apply a track back frame in this skill.  This is simply a set of words that frame the exact phrase you are repeating back.  “So what you’re saying is…”

Active listening is different in that you repeat back what the speaker has said using your own words.  The dilemma with this is that when you change the words and language you will often change the emotional meaning and tone of the words.

All language has a neurological effect on people and when you change the emotional meaning of a phrase you can accidentally change the entire meaning.   If you change or lose the meaning of what your speaker is saying it may appear that you weren’t listening at all.  Again creating the idea that you are disinterested in your speaker’s thoughts and ideas.

The other solution to this problem is to take the advice of Carl Rogers.  Rogers was a great psychologist in the early 1900’s.  Carl Rogers said that you should always have a high regard for the other person.

No matter what you think of them under other circumstances, if you are trying to build a lasting rapport you must find a way to convince yourself 100% what they are saying is worthy of respect.

When you accomplish this you will accomplish the task of opening up your speaker.  You are saying with your body and subconscious signals that they will not be criticized or attacked; you are in a safe place.  In order to develop rapport your subject needs to feel safe in order to share feelings and ideas with you.

The next horrible mistake you can make while trying to build rapport is to play the wrong role within a relationship.  When two people are building rapport their relationship can fluctuate.

There are three different roles you can take on in every relationship you are creating.  These consist of a high status, low status and equal status.  This has nothing to do with your annual income it is merely a place within a relationship.  For example an instructor usually has the high status in interaction with a student, and the student has the lower status.

Now it seems that status would naturally fall into place within conversation, right?  The problem with this is that there are people who are unable to take on different status themselves.  They need to be led into a new status.

If you are dealing with a person who only likes to be in a high status and you attempt to take away their role for yourself they will not be comfortable.  In fact this will usually result in them disliking you and distrusting you.

You must learn to be a flexible communicator.  If you have the ability to take on whatever status is necessary you will be able to open communication with anyone and start a rapport.  Once you have done this you can slowly change your levels as they follow your lead and adapt to you.

Keep in mind the ‘pacing and leading’ principal here.  You can only travel through the different status roles as quickly as your subject will comfortably follow.

The final vital mistake you can make in your rapport building is to neglect a wide rapport and build only a deep rapport.  A deep rapport is when you base your entire interaction with a person on one subject, interest or environment.  This type of rapport will get you deep in that area alone quickly.

It is in your better interest to have a wide rapport so people can relate to you on many different levels.  A wide rapport gives a person many different experiences of you in many different environments, interests and subjects.

This is important as it does not limit you.  Your subject can feel comfortable talking with you in many places about many different ideas, feelings and thoughts.

There are two ways to create wide rapport.  One is to meet in different locations to conduct your interactions.  This could be enjoyable but time consuming.  The other is to develop wide rapport through story telling.

Story telling offers you an endless amount of places, topics, themes and ideas you can open your subject up to.  The more sense of your complete personality they have the more comfortable they will be in building rapport.

As you continue to talk about different topics your subject will eventually be willing to open up to you about anything.  There are many different techniques and uses for story telling that you will learn throughout your hypnosis training.

Now that you are aware of the common mistakes and pitfalls of building rapport you can use the simple solutions provided to refine your skills.  Always keep in mind that the better your rapport building skills the better you will be in the act of hypnosis.

BRASS CONSTRUCTION

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PHYSICAL ATTRACTION GN

This is part 2 of a series where I talk about how specific tactics can be used to increase suggestibility, trust, and dependency. This series will be talking about how these techniques can be used in a religious context. Disclaimer: Mind control does not mean that someone does something against there will. It is a set of tactics used to influence someone’s actions, thoughts, and behaviors. It is not ONLY used in a religious setting. It is simply the focus of this series.

Burning Up / Physical Attraction

Build trust and rapport quickly by getting onto their wavelength fast

Madonna – Physical Attraction

Liam Beale asks PPIMK www.ppimk.com lead trainer Michael Beale – what is important about rapport in NLP? Also see www.nlp-experts.org

Despite rapport being a very straightforward process many people still fail at it and for those who do it well the rewards can be life changing. Fortunately, with regular practice those who currently struggle at building relationships can find themselves creating rapport with far greater ease in a short space of time. The trick lies in Hypnotic Communication.

Research at a macro level (sociological) and micro level (psychological)has shown that we are drawn to people who are either similar to ourselves or who we consider to be very dynamic. We feel comfortable around familiarity, so if someone is reflecting back to us behaviours we ordinarily use we will subconsciously feel far more comfortable around them. Have you ever noticed how close friends talk the same way with the same inflections and word usage? Even more extraordinary, there is a process called ’synchronous menstruation’ where menstruation cycles of women who live together long enough tend to become synchronised. I know a girl who lived with a few other girls at college who experienced this.

Therefore, in order to build rapport you must copy, as subtly as possible, the rhythms of behaviours another person exhibits. As the person leans forward in their seat you lean forward a few seconds later, as they take a drink you take a drink, and then watch as they follow when you lean out again. Before you say it; no-you wont get caught. You do it all the time with the people you are close to, the difference here is that you can now create a far more relaxing situation with those you don’t know. Also, I’ve done this for years and have been nothing but successful. I should add a little tip, one of the most effective ways to build rapport very quickly is to match their rate of speech. Speak at the rate they speak and they will feel much more comfortable with you.

If you want to build rapport with someone, a love interest let’s say, then it goes without saying that you should mirror them. If you want to come across as a leader in the group, and believe me when I say there isn’t one situation where there isn’t a ‘leader’ of some sort, then naturally you will attempt to build rapport with the leader. But to be honest, all of this is much of a muchness. Building rapport is simple; stupidly simple in fact. The overall goal of mirroring, however, isn’t to just build rapport, but to lead. My question to you is this, if George Clooney began speaking to you and a group of others what would happen? Would they recoil in disgust? Would they ignore him? Or would they be compelled to seek his approval and begin mirroring him? Of course other possibilities could occur but I’m guessing the last would be the response from the majority. So good old George wouldn’t have to move a finger and he’d have people clamouring to follow him. So if George can do it why not you?

With that let’s shift, for a while, or forever, your frame of mind. You might be saying ‘yeah but George is rich and handsome and I’m not, so how can I do that’?! It’s surprisingly straight forward actually! The feelings we experience minute by minute are rarely a choice. Every single thing around us carries some form of emotional/psychological weight for the individual. No matter how bland the object it will still have some effect on us. The same exists for the behaviours we see displayed by other people. If there is someone we feel strongly about we will often tie in some of our feelings to their mannerisms and find ourselves feeling similarly to people who display the same mannerisms.

So let’s take George again. Look at his mannerisms. Don’t you think his many millions of admirers won’t have tied some of their emotions for him to some of his mannerisms? You’d better believe they will have. And for anyone who doubts this ask yourself the question ‘has there never been a single person who wasn’t wealthy and good looking but was still considered very ‘cool’ and attractive to the opposite sex? Of course there are and while some people sit and make excuses for their shortcomings others reap the rewards of developing their weaker areas. Above all be flexible! If it doesn’t work, try something else. Behavioural flexibility is key. Confidence in displaying those behaviours is also important.

Apart from what I’ve already mentioned I would like you to remember one more thing. In any given context be aware of how people are responding to you. Don’t be so unaware of how you come across that people see you as an ass. No one likes smugness or arrogance. Always be warm with people when you feel they deserve it and when your attention is else where they’ll crave that warmth again. In the same vain, you must have the mindset that no one is important enough, except for your family, to demand all your attention all the time. No one! The more attention you give a person the more available you will appear and the less value you will give yourself. Diamonds are expensive because they are rare. The boyfriend who is always hanging around and sucking up to the girl is the one who is too available and underappreciated sadly. This is true for any relationship you have outside of your family. Be the one whose time is rare and see how needed you are.