Madonna – Physical Attraction

Liam Beale asks PPIMK www.ppimk.com lead trainer Michael Beale – what is important about rapport in NLP? Also see www.nlp-experts.org

Despite rapport being a very straightforward process many people still fail at it and for those who do it well the rewards can be life changing. Fortunately, with regular practice those who currently struggle at building relationships can find themselves creating rapport with far greater ease in a short space of time. The trick lies in Hypnotic Communication.

Research at a macro level (sociological) and micro level (psychological)has shown that we are drawn to people who are either similar to ourselves or who we consider to be very dynamic. We feel comfortable around familiarity, so if someone is reflecting back to us behaviours we ordinarily use we will subconsciously feel far more comfortable around them. Have you ever noticed how close friends talk the same way with the same inflections and word usage? Even more extraordinary, there is a process called ’synchronous menstruation’ where menstruation cycles of women who live together long enough tend to become synchronised. I know a girl who lived with a few other girls at college who experienced this.

Therefore, in order to build rapport you must copy, as subtly as possible, the rhythms of behaviours another person exhibits. As the person leans forward in their seat you lean forward a few seconds later, as they take a drink you take a drink, and then watch as they follow when you lean out again. Before you say it; no-you wont get caught. You do it all the time with the people you are close to, the difference here is that you can now create a far more relaxing situation with those you don’t know. Also, I’ve done this for years and have been nothing but successful. I should add a little tip, one of the most effective ways to build rapport very quickly is to match their rate of speech. Speak at the rate they speak and they will feel much more comfortable with you.

If you want to build rapport with someone, a love interest let’s say, then it goes without saying that you should mirror them. If you want to come across as a leader in the group, and believe me when I say there isn’t one situation where there isn’t a ‘leader’ of some sort, then naturally you will attempt to build rapport with the leader. But to be honest, all of this is much of a muchness. Building rapport is simple; stupidly simple in fact. The overall goal of mirroring, however, isn’t to just build rapport, but to lead. My question to you is this, if George Clooney began speaking to you and a group of others what would happen? Would they recoil in disgust? Would they ignore him? Or would they be compelled to seek his approval and begin mirroring him? Of course other possibilities could occur but I’m guessing the last would be the response from the majority. So good old George wouldn’t have to move a finger and he’d have people clamouring to follow him. So if George can do it why not you?

With that let’s shift, for a while, or forever, your frame of mind. You might be saying ‘yeah but George is rich and handsome and I’m not, so how can I do that’?! It’s surprisingly straight forward actually! The feelings we experience minute by minute are rarely a choice. Every single thing around us carries some form of emotional/psychological weight for the individual. No matter how bland the object it will still have some effect on us. The same exists for the behaviours we see displayed by other people. If there is someone we feel strongly about we will often tie in some of our feelings to their mannerisms and find ourselves feeling similarly to people who display the same mannerisms.

So let’s take George again. Look at his mannerisms. Don’t you think his many millions of admirers won’t have tied some of their emotions for him to some of his mannerisms? You’d better believe they will have. And for anyone who doubts this ask yourself the question ‘has there never been a single person who wasn’t wealthy and good looking but was still considered very ‘cool’ and attractive to the opposite sex? Of course there are and while some people sit and make excuses for their shortcomings others reap the rewards of developing their weaker areas. Above all be flexible! If it doesn’t work, try something else. Behavioural flexibility is key. Confidence in displaying those behaviours is also important.

Apart from what I’ve already mentioned I would like you to remember one more thing. In any given context be aware of how people are responding to you. Don’t be so unaware of how you come across that people see you as an ass. No one likes smugness or arrogance. Always be warm with people when you feel they deserve it and when your attention is else where they’ll crave that warmth again. In the same vain, you must have the mindset that no one is important enough, except for your family, to demand all your attention all the time. No one! The more attention you give a person the more available you will appear and the less value you will give yourself. Diamonds are expensive because they are rare. The boyfriend who is always hanging around and sucking up to the girl is the one who is too available and underappreciated sadly. This is true for any relationship you have outside of your family. Be the one whose time is rare and see how needed you are.

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In the seven steps of the sales cycle, building rapport is probably the most important aspect of the sales cycle. One thing that we know is that people will do business with people that they like and trust. When building rapport we are also building trust.

The key to building rapport is to master the art of asking questions.

Never ask a prospect questions that you can find on their web site.

e.g. How many employees do you have?  How long have you been in business? Etc…

A good sales person will have done their homework and know the answers to the basic situational questions.

When building rapport, we want to ask the prospect questions that they haven’t been asked before. Every sales person that has come in before you has asked questions based on the pictures hanging on the prospects wall.

We want to ask questions that: a) make them think in new ways.

                          b) your competitor failed to ask

                          c) give you credibility

                          d) develop trust

                          e) set you aside from everyone else

                           f) create value for the prospect

                          g) create relevance of your time spent

Sample Questions:

Does your company look today like you thought it would when you established it? Why did you get into business for yourself? Why did you choose this industry? What do you like most about your role? What industry changes have you seen over the years? What are your future plans for the business? How has technology effected your business? What opportunities for your company have the last few years and the technology change created? Have you always been in this role or have you worked in other departments? What is most important when you hire people? What is the extent of new positions that your organization will be creating in the next year? How are you presently dealing with the skill shortage? How do you develop people internally? What effect does the skills shortage have on your employees? What strategies do you have in place to locate and retain good quality people. How does that effect your business? How does that effect your other employees? How does that effect you personally? How do you feel about that?  

Once rapport is established you can move on the next stage of the sales cycle, permission to proceed.

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Building rapport over the phone may seem a little daunting at first, but it’s actually quite easy. Unlike face to face conversations, you don’t have to worry about looking awkward or doing something that might embarrass you in front of the person you’re speaking to.

When it comes to building rapport over the phone, you can concentrate all your efforts into the conversation. There are fewer distractions and therefore, you make fewer mistakes.

Here are some of the guidelines that can help you build rapport over the phone:

1) Prepare Your Introduction.

If you’re not a very chatty person or if you’re not used to building rapport over the phone, it is advisable for you to make an outline of what you’re going to say. You don’t have to follow a script; but at least an outline would help you focus on what you want to bring up in the conversation.

For example, if you’re calling someone to ask them out on a date, you might find yourself at a loss for what to say when that person picks up the phone. Now, that would just be plain embarrassing.

To avoid awkward moments like this, perhaps you can just write down:

•    Ask for (insert name)
•    Say “hi” and introduce yourself
•    Ask about tomorrow’s homework… etc.

If you’re not confident about making the call, try rehearsing what you want to say. It would help you get used to the idea of talking to the person you like.

2) Don’t Let Nervousness Overtake You.

Building rapport over the phone might make you a little more jittery than usual. Unfortunately, this can sometimes make your voice sound squeaky and make you talk a little too fast.

To keep nervousness at bay, give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself that you’ve done this before and that this particular phone call is no different from the call you made to your best friend last night.

Take deep breaths and make a conscious effort to speak at a normal rate. Talking slower will also help you relax; and before you know it, you’re done with the conversation.

3) Always Say “Thank You” At The End.

Once you’re done with what you have to say, don’t forget to say “thank you” to whomever it is you’ve been talking to. Of course, if you’ve been talking to the person you like, the “thank you” bit is optional.

In all other cases, however, expressing your gratitude is very important. Remember that it’s crucial to end the conversation in a nice way. Even if the whole phone call didn’t go well, you must never bang the phone or hang up. Grit your teeth if you must, but do your best to stay polite.

Building rapport over the phone is easy when you know what mistakes to avoid and what things can make your conversation more pleasant.

In order to become an effective hypnotist, it’s vital to have good rapport skills. Rapport with subjects is key in building trust, helping them relax, and getting them to be receptive to suggestion. Because of this, it’s important to know some of the key points of building rapport – and what mistakes are commonly made when trying to build it.

It may seem surprising, but one of the first most common mistakes new hypnotists make is trying to be too nice. Of course it’s important to be kind and polite, but it’s possible to go overboard with this. In order to develop a good rapport with people, full communication is vital. This means saying everything that needs to be said, even things that may be unpleasant. So the basic fix for this mistake: be nice, but not at the expense of full communication. Say what must be said, or you will not develop good rapport.

The second common mistake is trying too hard. Trying too hard sends signals of desperation, that we are too eager to please or too desperate to make people listen to us. Desperation repels people and pressures them, and can lead to a complete shut down in communication. If you have to try too hard, it is more likely that you will fail to build a solid rapport with your clients. Once you recognize how you should communicate with someone, let your unconscious take over – your instincts – and then implement the basic steps of hypnosis. Rapport will develop naturally.

The third mistake is to want something from someone too much. We can become pushy and overbearing, and this leads to the subconscious shutting down. When the hypnotist pushes too much, the subject will react negatively by backing off or shutting down completely (think of overbearing car salesmen trying to get you to buy from them). The solution to this third mistake is to pace yourself in how you attempt to build rapport. Don’t push yourself on the subject too much; instead give them a little, then draw back and let them come to you and re-engage you at their own leisure. Every time this process is repeated, you will be digging a little deeper into their comfort zones until a strong and solid rapport is established.

If you find yourself falling into any of these mistakes, implement the ‘instant rapport technique’ which is discussed in many hypnosis manuals and is often practiced by experienced hypnotists. This way, the unconscious will not shut down, but rather will become receptive to normal rapport signals you send to the subject.