Carolyn Bushong asked: Flirting is a skill that is learned through practice. But when my clients come into my office and ask me how to meet men and what to do when they see someone they want to meet, they often don’t have a clue how to start flirting. They then say they’re too shy and could never be the one to approach. I ask them, like Dr. Phil does, “How’s that working for you so far?” Then they’re more eager to learn to flirt.
Women are afraid to flirt because they fear rejection. When flirting is done properly, it comes across so unintentional that rejection shouldn’t be an issue. If someone doesn’t seem reciprocal in your flirtatiousness, you can simply think (or say), “You must have just misinterpreted my intentions. I wasn’t flirting with you,” and go on about your way. As long as you flirt indirectly, and not too obviously, you’ll always be able to save face if it doesn’t work.
8 Flirting Tips for Women
1) Have friendly body language. Smile, act confident, gaze at him, and keep your arms open or to your side (but not crossed). Women often don’t realize that when they are scared, they often look angry or irritated and completely unapproachable. Relax and fake friendliness and confidence, even if you don’t feel it. Only then will he consider approaching you.
2) Act like you’re having fun when you see him. Talk and laugh with your friends, laugh into your cell phone with a friend, even smile if you are reading (so he’ll wonder why). You want to send the message that you have a wonderful life full of wonderful friends that he might like to be a part of.
3) Dress the part: dress and act sensual, and dress to stand out. Don’t dress too sexy or flashy, but show your figure or best asset. Don’t be outlandish, but choose something your friends or coworkers have noticed and commented on. It also works to wear an unusual piece of jewelry, a scarf, some red high heels, etc., so he can have a reason to say, “Great shoes!”
4) Be approachable, not only in attitude, but literally. Men don’t want to (and often won’t) come over to you and your girlfriends. When you’re out with your friends, find a reason to move about alone, i.e., walk past him to get a drink from the bar, or take the long way to the bathroom. When you do, look your best of course, i.e., hold your stomach in, arch your back so your chest pushes out, keep your head high and let your hips sway sexily.
5) Don’t wear any rings. It doesn’t matter what kind of rings you wear, don’t wear them. When men walk past a woman quickly, they’ll keep going if they see anything that looks remotely like a wedding band. They don’t have time to think, “Which hand and which finger was that ring on?”
6) Offer up free information about yourself, i.e. “I just love this bookstore!” or “I’ve had a long day and I’m tired of waiting for this bartender!” “God it’s hot in here!” This gives him an opportunity to talk to you without having to be the one that starts the conversation.
7) Ask simple questions, i.e. “What time is it?” or “How’s the food here?” Again, he has to answer you, and then the conversation has begun. You are so indirect, however, that rejection for you should not be an issue.
Say something funny like, “I’m taking a survey and want to know…..,” or “Can I interest you in …(pause, as if you are going to say “a drink,” then say something like “a puppy, my dog just had puppies?” It works especially well if you can come up with something funny that relates to the moment, like, “Don’t tell me, you’re really the father of Anna Nicole’s child, aren’t you?”
8 Flirting Techniques for Women
1) Touching yourself, i.e. touching or twirling your hair, licking your lips, or hugging yourself. This is an indirect sexual comeon.
2) Touching him lightly, i.e. your body brushing against him lightly and/or picking lint from his shirt. This sends a message of familiarity (that you are now developing).
3) Laughing and/or talking animatedly when you know he’s watching. It especially works when he knows you’re watching and knows you have the intent to impress him, so glance at him once in awhile as you laugh and talk.
4) Head toss (flipping your head back so your face tilts forward in the light.) The movement hopefully catches his eye, and as it does, your face catches the light and he can see how attractive you are.
5) Primping, like putting on lipstick or smoothing or patting down your clothing. Men love to watch women put on lipstick. It also says, “I’m trying to look my best for you.”
6) Object caress i.e. lovingly caressing an object such as a ring, or slide your palm up and down the stem of your wine glass. This is a very sexual message that also says “I’m a very sensual person and we could be doing this to each other.”
7) Offer him something or ask for something, i.e. a match, a newspaper, an item on the top shelf. This forces some sort of interaction in case he hasn’t noticed you yet.
Move near him (within 2 feet). Order a drink next to him at the bar, decide to buy radishes at the market to be able to reach over him, or even just stand there and give him the opportunity to approach you. Maybe he’s nearsighted or hasn’t seen you because he’s been engrossed in a cell phone call (business we hope). This way you’ll make sure he hasn’t overlooked you.
Flirting With a Happy Ending
Years ago, I had a roommate who was shy and never met men. I had started teaching my “flirting” seminars and decided to share some of the information with her for free before she went out one night. She walked into a bar and saw a guy she was attracted to. She walked up to him, acting like she was waiting for someone (which she wasn’t), and asked him what time it was (I told her not to wear a watch so she could use this technique). They started talking and dating, and 6 months later she moved out because she was engaged! That’s my best flirting story, although I have many more!
flirting tips
