Derek Arden has been invited to the Customer Services Training Conference at the Dominion Theatre to deliver a negotiation skills master class.

Derek Arden has been invited to the Customer Services Training Conference at the Dominion Theatre to deliver a negotiation skills master class.

Developing your ability to build rapport can help build confidence and contribute to a more rewarding lifestyle with friends, colleagues and family. Sometimes it will come naturally but there will be times where someone important to your success is not on your wavelength and you will need to work at building the relationship. We cover 6 steps to achieving this quickly.

Key 1 – Respect: You must learn to respect the other persons perspective in order to build rapport. You can’t build rapport if you are uncertain or not confident in your role for the situation. To create rapport you must do it from a position of respect and need to understand them and seek win-win outcomes.

Key 2 – Matching & Mirroring: People like people who are like them so a sure way to build rapport is to be like them. When you have rapport you will find yourself copying each other’s body postures,movements, voice tone, pace and breathing. Be open and willing to be influenced by another persons perspectives.

Key 3 – Pacing & Leading: Having created your foundation a person is unlikely to accept your views and goals unless they can form an attachment to them. Pacing is the process of matching the other person’s unique perception to increase rapport. Once you have gained a good level of rapport by pacing begin to lead and influence the other person or group. If rapport is lost then you should resort back to pacing.

Key 4 – Develop your Feedback Sense: You will need to sharpen your senses to spot changes in yourself and others that usually go un-noticed. This is called “sensory acuity”. You will need to spot whether the other person is with you or not.

Key 5 – Give people time to think: In any conversation people need time to think about what they are listening to and observing. Having the sensory acuity to notice when a person is processing in downtime is fundamental to rapport building, pacing & leading and ultimately effective communication.

Key 6 – Observe communication modes: There are 4 major communication modes -Visual, Auditory,Internal Dialogue and Kinaesthetic.

Visual Mode: Use language like “do you see what I mean?” or “let’s zoom in on this.”

Auditory Mode: Use language like: “I hear what you say” or “it sounds OK to me.”

Internal Dialogue Mode: This indicates your partner processes information via an inner voice.

Kinaesthetic Thinking Mode: Your partner processes information by feel. Use language like “this feels just right” or “let’s keep in touch”

Knowing how a person communicates is very useful in getting on the same wavelength as them.

By following these 6 keys you will be able to create successful interractions with all varieties of individuals and with different values in mind.

You can pick up a free copy of the classic As a Man Thinketh by James Allen at my site http://www.3stephomeincome.com and evaluate a lucrative home business in personal development & communication. Find out how you can increase your levels of achievment and success as well as earn a high income here.

An excerpt from a presentation on influence shows Charles Carpenter, known as Bill The Builder by audiences, using illustration and humor to engage the audience. You can book Bill for seminars, keynotes or custom training solutions at www.charlesspeaks.com or calling 937-935-6789

Motivational humorist Scott Friedman talks about how to build rapport using humor www.funnyscott.com

www.theultimaterealestatecoach.com Omar Johnson super real estate coach, mentor and trainer discusses how building rapport can be the real estate investor’s ultimate marketing tool.For real estate coaching visit http or call (917) 406-3549

Using questions is a powerful way to build rapport with your real estate clients. Tom Sherry, a top producer with CIR Realty, share some key insights into how you can take your rapport building to the next level. Thistip has been brought to by CIR Realty (Calgary real estate brokerage). Featuring: Tom Sherry – Realtor For information on the Calgary real estate market, to search homes for sale, or to learn about the real estate training, support and systems that CIR Realty offers… please …

If you are dealing with a claims adjuster, whether to settle on the value of your car or the value of your injuries you are a negotiator. To get the best result you need to know some things about the science of negotiation. The first principle is “build rapport.”

Recognize The Human Element

”Negotiators are people first,” say Roger Fisher and William Ury of the Harvard Negotiating Project. “A basic fact about negotiations, easy to forget in corporate and international transactions, is that you are dealing…with human beings. They have emotions, deeply held values, and different backgrounds and viewpoints….”

Clarence Darrow was one of the most famous and successful trial lawyers of the 20th Century. What was the most important part of his job? “The main work of a trial attorney is to make a jury like his client,” said Clarence.

What Darrow knew instinctively in the 1920s, persuasiveness expert Robert Cialdini has proven scientifically in the 21st Century. Cialdini, author of “Influence Science and Practice” says likability is one of the seven big factors in persuasion. “Few of us would be surprised to learn that, as a rule, we most prefer to say ‘yes’ to the requests of people we know and like,” says Cialdini.

Make yourself likable by establishing similarity, by sincere compliments, by an attitude of cooperatively working together, by familiarity and by association with good things,

1. Similarity: Birds of a Feather Flock Together

Any type of similarity builds likability says Cialdini. This can include common background or interests, age, religion, politics, mood, verbal style, body posture, name or even cigarette smoking. Use casual friendly conversation to discover what you have in common with the claims adjuster. Chit chat. Get to know her a little bit. Build some rapport.

2. Compliments: You Catch More Flies With Honey Than With Vinegar

”…we tend, as a rule, to believe praise and to like those who provide it, often when it is probably untrue,” reports Cialdini. Ask yourself, “What do I genuinely admire about this claims adjuster?” Express your admiration in a sincere fashion.

3. Cooperation: We Are In This Together

Yes, it’s true. You and the claims adjuster are working together to achieve an objective–settlement of your claim. Cooperatively working together with others increases liking, reports Cialdini. Or as Roger Dawson, world-renowned negotiation expert puts it, “avoid confrontational negotiation.” You can get confrontational if you need to, later, as a last resort, but your first option is to approach this as a team effort. “What do we have to do to get this resolved?” is your basic approach. Use the term “we” as often as possible.

4. Familiarity: It Breeds…

Sure familiarity can breed contempt when it’s friends or inlaws staying too long at your house but, as a general rule, when we get to know people we tend to like them. Build familiarity through casual friendly conversation. Time on the phone is time well invested by you and the adjuster.

5. Association: Don’t Shoot The Messenger

Whenever possible associate your self with good things. If you have friends in common mention it. Talk about the pleasant aspects of the weather. Keep your conversation upbeat and cheerful. This is not the time to complain about your spouse or your deadbeat son-in-law.

Conclusion

When dealing with a claims adjuster start with the human element. A claims adjuster is a human being and we humanoids like to work with and are influenced by people we like. So, make yourself likable with similarity, compliments, an attitude of cooperatively working together, familiarity and association with good things.

Building rapport as a hypnotist is very important.  As you improve your rapport skills you will be improving your overall skill as a hypnotist.  In saying that it is important to be aware of the common mistakes made in building rapport.

The ability to have great rapport with your subjects is one of the first tools you will encounter needing as a hypnotist.  Common mistakes made in this area are hard to identify as ‘mistakes’ unless you are aware of what they are.

The first most common mistake made is simply trying to be too nice.  Of course you should be nice to people.  But there is a point in time in certain relationships when the line must be drawn.

In order to develop a deep rapport with people you need to have full communication.  This means that everything that needs to be said must be said, even if it is unpleasant.  Not having full communication can disable you from sharing important thoughts, ideas and feelings.

The basic rule to follow here is to be nice but not at the expense of real communication.  Say what needs to be said.  If you do not the rapport will break down and a barrier will start to go up.

Most people have experienced one end or the other of trying to be too nice.  One example is we are often too busy with politeness to show our true selves.

The other end of the spectrum is we encounter people who are trying too hard to be nice to us.  Either way you look at it, a wall is constructed and these people remain casual acquaintances.  We often have the same exact conversations with these people and never truly build a lasting rapport with them because there is no real communication happening.

The second mistake that is often made when attempting to build rapport is trying too hard.  Yes this is closely related to the first mistake.  When we try too hard we send signals of desperation.  It shows that we are too eager to please or desperate for company.

No one likes to be surrounded with desperate people.  The air of desperation often causes those around it to feel obligated or under a lot of pressure.  Both of these feelings can completely shut down communication.

Trying too hard is a mistake that can lead to the “Law of Reversed Effect”.  The “Law of Reversed Effect” means the harder you try, the more likely you will fail.  This is because you are actually interfering with the unconscious process.

When you try too hard you are not falling into a gentle rhythm where rapport is produced you are trying to force a relationship that is not ready yet.  Maintaining a sense of what needs to happen to create rapport is essential to your success.

Once you recognize what needs to happen you should let your unconscious take over and implement the steps itself.  ‘Instant rapport technique’ will help with this later in another article.

The third mistake that is common in hypnosis is to want something from someone too much.  This mistake is again closely related to the first two mistakes.

When we want something too much we often become pushy and overwhelming, especially so to the subconscious.  Once an individual has pushed too much their counterpart will back off or become disinterested.  Salesmen encounter this often.

There is a solution for this.  ‘Fractionating rapport’ will help you to pace yourself in the amount of intimacy you seek.  In fractionation you work on building a little rapport and then leave it alone for a while.  Let the subject come and re-engage you.  Each time you repeat the process you will be digging deeper and deeper into a comfort zone and building a strong rapport with the person.

This technique keep people in their comfort zones, and you are only stretching that zone a little each time you go through the motions.  Soon conversation, give and take, push and pull will become a natural and familiar habit.

Being too nice to people, trying too hard and wanting something too much, all have simple solutions to help you become successful.

If you are being too nice to your subjects, stop and remember there is a point at which you must stop being nice to save the rapport.

If you are trying too hard with your subjects implement the ‘instant rapport technique’.  This will allow the unconscious to send the normal rapport signals to you through your subject.

And if you want something too much, stop doing it and use fractionation.  Soon over a small amount of time you will have built many steps to great rapport.